And I swear that you don't have to go.

Some things you just can't avoid. like...the winter, a bad hair day, a nightmare, a death, a crumbling relationship. They come at the worst times. like, when you want to wear a cute dress, you need a good night's rest, when you're not ready to say goodbye, and you need that person in your life the most.

a crumbling relationship is the most painful. there's a glimmer of hope in each party's eyes. you hold on to the things that person used to be, and how they cared for you. you want to believe that everything will turn out good, turn out to be a phase. make excuses for them. the phrase "one last shot" becomes repetitive and ineffective. you feel like you know that person too well for them to treat you like this. it turns out though that you're entirely wrong. the person you know, miss, care for, and love-well, they're gone. you're left there to embrace this new, ugly thing that's replaced them.

it's awful when they're stubborn. you try to tell them that they've changed. it's not the same, and what is happening is hurting you. all the lies, the nasty phrases, the gossip-they all sting worse when they lie and flat out deny it. when you try and call them out on it, they cut you down. you feel small, inferior, intimidated, doubtful, stupid. you begin to doubt your emotions. all of a sudden, you're to blame. in their eyes, you're always to blame. the words "i'm sorry" are never in their vocabulary.

they criticize you for thinking of ending things. as if saying "how dare you leave me. you need me. i'm fighting for this relationship, aren't you?" in reality, they're keeping you around for their own selfish needs. someone to take advantage of, hold their hand when they need it but hardly do the same. they're too scared to let you go, but all you need is to do that. all you want is the one thing that is impossible thing to ask-an apology. but, of course, that's too much to ask.

snow falls. people die. nightmares haunt for days.
people fall apart.
two words can save it, but you know, deep in your heart, they'll never say it.

an apology is an unnaceptable request.